I stop at red signal and try to smell the remnant of today's pouring. A hand jolts my shirt. In split of second I ensure the weight of bulge in my side pocket, and give a quick glance at the lady standing next to me with a kid wrapped around her waist. The spreading hand and plight in her eyes saying it all what she needs. I want to look into her eyes to figure out the sense of urgency in her plea. But that will raise her hopes. So I pretend not to look towards her and wait for the glow in green.
Musings start taking over mind. If out of pity, I handover some money, I am setting her up to live this easy resort for life, so I am fully justified in showing indifference. The other day at some other signal, a little boy came and cleaned my bike with his shirt without my consent and then the familiar hand stretched out, and I gave him a blank look till the traffic cop waved us for a clear way. I remember the sad look in that boy's eyes, so I had to spend next 5 minutes justifying my stand with similar thoughts. And next morning while eating my breakfast poha, I saw two boys lashing their bare chest and back with whip (guess a traditional street entertainer), and when one of them approaches towards me, I handover a ten rupee note and feel freed from the guilt trip haunting me in eyes of that cleaning boy. Atleast they are taking some efforts (wht the heck if it's to beat themselves for others' amusement) to deserve the money.
There was this jolt again, and I came back from my thoughts. Signal hasn't cleared yet. The murmur is becoming distinct and now taking the tone of cursing. Am I so inhuman that I can't spare 1-2 rupees for the child's milk", is what all I could hear in her words. I am not going to give in to these evokes. I change the gears and move the bike a little forward to end this struggle. I see her with a resigned look and now may be in hunt for another prospect. Her last words still echoing in my mind. I am not inhuman. You should see how generous I am with the elderly beggars. The honks from behind remind me of the green light and I move on all set to spend next 5 minutes justifying my stand.
4 comments:
I'm interested in knowing solutions and not justification. Can you think of it?
-rkg
perhaps not, may be 'coz i cann't think of it as a problem. Experiencing the emotions and the conflict in 'em, and then justifying the actions triggered based on one against another, is the very nature of a being who can think. Think justifications are always relative and so is the solution. May be the solution is in not to consider it as a problem. My 2 cents.
Hmmm...should I say, putting the nature into implementation are the one who makes the difference? No, No, No, I am not saying you to become a social worker. Your 3 cents. :) It's nice to read you.
-rkg
Can I leave few words as a comment?
Somewhere, it's a day to day shiver that runs down the spine and every time most of us think of the same justifications.
I remember, when I was visiting a fair in Jamnagar...I saw two kids ( a girl and a boy) playing with ropes and drums to earn money. I could see cooperation in them and caring and loving attitude towards each other. Looking on them (especially sincerity and self-esteem), I felt that if they are provided with some good opportunity (in terms of education) they would be able to do good. But then right now what is in my hand? I was with my mom to whom if I would say let's take them to our home...she would have told me…'this is not possible'. And I too understand it's not so easy for everybody. I hope someday I would have many things in my hand to support the one who really have the need.
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